Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
