in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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