I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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