Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
