i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
