Got a toothbrush?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
