Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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