No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
