I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
