Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize