:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
