Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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