I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
