i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
