Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
