she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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