Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
