Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
