I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
