Betty ford says i'm here all night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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