Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
