That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
