he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
