what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
