my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
