I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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