Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think my tv is drunk
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
