she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
