just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
