why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
