I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
