yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
