Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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