Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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