I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
