I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
