She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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