She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
