Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
