I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
