I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
