My brain says no but my pants say off.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
