Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
