Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i will never coherently bang her
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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