I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
