I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
