I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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