dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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