Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
