I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
