I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
