dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
