I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
