it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
