I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
