He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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