why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
