So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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