Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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