I demand visitation hours with the duck.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
