apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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