# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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