The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
