HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
