if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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