He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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