escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
