Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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