My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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