He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You took a bar mat shot.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
