I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
