you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
