I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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