i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
